kodomoshiranai

siuman45@yahoo.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:54:43 GMT

I haven't written much in a while, been pretty occupied with school work and studies before. Now im recovering from something serious that happened to me over the weekend. I had a seizure on Friday night and passed out three times on the pavement at my friend's bday party. I didn't go to the hospital which I should of but I was too shaken up at the moment. However I went to see the doctor, confirmed with me that I did have a seizure and pretty much dealing with post seizure symptoms now. I got meds for the aftermath symptoms, but they make me very tired... I also been undergoing tests, done a CAT scan and blood test already, waiting for my doc to book an EEG test. They want to find out if I have any active seizure activity, to see im most likely to get them again.

So everything has just been coping and a waiting game for me, hope the answers and treatments come soon.
Things have been quite a rough ride for me lately, I'll stay patient.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 21:08:39 GMT

After being several months out of the country, I have finally returned home.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 08:44:24 GMT

Those who are on LJ, if you are wondering where I am right now. I apologize for not updating this in ages, I have moved to my xanga now and only update this once in a blue moon. So I apologize if I left anyone hanging. Lately for the past while I had been very busy. If you have xanga and want access to my xanga account , just give me a shout.

I am no longer in Toronto, instead I am in Penang, Malaysia. I am currently training at a busy cake and pastry bakery near my parent's condo that I am staying at now. I'm learning all kinds of things from decorating cakes to making puff pastries from scratch and that has just been the beginning. There is still so much to learn and I will put my all into it. I will be training here until the end of march and I will be back in my hometown, dear ol Toronto =) to do some final studying to get certified as a pastry chef.

I will bring all the goodies back =), Ill try my very best to keep you guys posted.

Lots of love to you all *hugs*

Well here is a little quiz type thing I got from my good friend niina
If you are interested, you can fill it out here for me =).

1. Your name:
2. Star sign:
3. Place of residence:
4. What makes you happy?
5. What are you listening to now/last listened to?
6. Do you read my journal?
7. If so, why?
8. Interesting fact about yourself:
9. Tell me something random:
10. Favourite spot/place to be:
11. Your favourite lyrics (poetry or song):
12. Best time of the year:
13. Right or left handed:
14. Favorite food:
15. Coffee or tea (what type / flavor):
16. What was your last dream about:
17: Last radio station listened to?
18. Last cuss word word uttered?
19 Best decade for music:
20. Will you put this on your LJ so I can complete it there:

RECOMMEND
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. artist/band, song and album:
4. Somethings else (lj friend, website, tv show, store, whatever)

siuman45@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 15:11:23 GMT

This is a little something my good friend Niina started, so come by and check it out =)

siuman45@yahoo.com — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 18:23:48 GMT

Alright I think I am ready to write in here again lol
I know I disappeared for so long, I lost myself again, it happens so much nowadays.
I guess that is what happens when there isn't much pattern in your sleeping patterns. Also how you split up your days into non work days and work days.

Lately I have been putting my first resolution into action, things are going well and I have been feeling a whole lot better healthwise. Also I found myself more at ease, more active and I feel that low sinking feeling being replaced with a slight confidence. I have been making pretty good progress so far this week. I am hearing a few more words coming out of my mouth nowadays when interacting with people.

Now that I got resolution 1 on the way, since its one of those one the side things you do, I want to choose another resolution to work alongside with it. I haven't decided yet but I guess eventually that decision will come to mind somehow. However looking at things, i believe I can incorporate to work on all my resolutions together, its possible after thinking about it now. Maybe not #2 since I need to wait till my hair grows out but works slowly on the wardrobe and #7 since I haven't had much time to bake lately. So I will work on all of the resolutions and leave those 2 to pend on the back burner and pull them back out at the right time hehe. Well with some help from people, I believe I can fulfill them all ^_^.

I can do it if I keep consistent hehe, don't think Ill get lazy anytime soon. I got really driven and excited once I have set those goals/resolutions for myself. I believe because by doing that I gave my life meaning, gave myself things to work toward.

Well I better go now to work out and exercise downstairs. I want to keep up the good progress =).

siuman45@yahoo.com — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 18:21:41 GMT

I am the Charmer

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple; they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

Symbol: The Mirror. Your spirit holds a mirror up to others. When they see you they see themselves: their values, their tastes, even their flaws. Their lifelong love affair with their own image is comfortable and hypnotic; so feed it. No one ever sees what is behind the mirror.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society </p>

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 19:41:16 GMT

Moon baby. You are a spiritual and intuitive
person. You make decisions on instincts alone.
You watch out for signs and symbols. Dreams
give you sight into the future and places
unknown. You believe that our life can be
determined by our karmas and by fate. Dream
catchers are your favorite toys. You are good
at feeling people out and seeing into them and
their true intentions. Lies are hard to pass
through you. You can get lost in all the
symbolism and horoscope readings. You speak to
the wind and commune with nature. The only bad
side is that technology is growing so rapidly
you get behind in the shuffle and others may
find you kooky my the way you think. You know
better than to let them get you down. You know
better than to do a lot of things.

Which White Angel are You? (pics included)
brought to you by Quizilla

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 20:47:13 GMT

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

</td>

Captain Jack Sparrow

71%

Indiana Jones

67%

Batman, the Dark Knight

67%

Neo, the "One"

67%

James Bond, Agent 007

58%

Maximus

54%

Lara Croft

54%

William Wallace

54%

The Terminator

50%

El Zorro

42%

The Amazing Spider-Man

42%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

been really busy lately at work, haven't had much time to write in here
but just had enough time to do this interesting quiz hehe ^^

siuman45@yahoo.com — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:54:38 GMT

I decided to follow the trend lol
never seen such a thing before, decided to give it a try ^^

Top Commenters on kodomoshiranai's LiveJournal

1	kodomoshiranai	40
2	pigeon_master	19
3	boomtastic	9
4	naruto_eyes	5
5	daybreakmei	5
6	Anonymous	1

Total Commenters: 6
Total Comments: 79
Report generated 25/10/2005 12:56:52 PM by scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.6

siuman45@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 Sep 2005 05:05:57 GMT

I will no longer be writing in this journal anymore, decided that I want to let incidents and events come and pass. I have been through and made many changes, let go of many things, placed them behind me and have begun to move on with my life.
I thank you all for sharing my life on this journal here with me. I definitely won't forget all the adventures, the ups and downs and most of all, I definitely will not forget the memories.

best wishes

Mandy

siuman45@yahoo.com — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 03:49:49 GMT

What Tokyo Mew Mew Character Are You?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 22:43:42 GMT

I had a morning shift today, I had swapped with another cashier since she wasn't able to do her morning. It worked out well, I didn't mind waking up that early to go since I get off at 3:45 p.m. ^_^. I took a long nap when I got back and finished up the chores at home, it was time to water the plants again.

Tonight my aunt is treating me and my brother to Korean bbq ^_^, I can't wait. I am just waiting for my brother to come back to pick me up. Tomorrow Ill be heading to the beach, I am sure its going to be a lot of fun =).

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 03:34:27 GMT

I know I haven't written much in here but I am back again =)

words just can't describe all that happened in the past few weeks. It has been rather breath taking and adventurous. With this new person that came into my life and became good friends with recently, she has really brought upon a spark and brought back a someone I had lost within myself for years and wouldn't think Ill ever find again. I had been dead for a very long time but she brought life back into my soul. I don't feel lost anymore, she has been guiding me in the right direction, comforting me and helping me to live better with the uncurable physical remains of my illness. She is there with me as much as she could, during days I have work, she is there working with me and spending our break times chatting.

If we both get the day off, often she would drive me around and take me places, trying to get me out of my room, out my house as much as possible to see the world. She told me she wanted to help me and work together with me to rebuild my life and open up a new path for me , so I could leave my past behind me and put it to rest and start over new for better days ahead. Lately I have been going out and chatting with her one on one about so many things, I haven't really chatted like that with anyone for ages.

life and many other things have just been so simple and it has been really great for me.

Ill be going to the beach this monday with her and others from work, she went to the supervisor that we are good with and took that day off work for me herself lol XD. I haven't been there for such a long while, it would be nice to get out there to relax and have some fun ^^.

So these few weeks have brought many good changes in me, my life and a much healthier lifestyle, I have been more confident , stronger and happier and I will continue trying my best to make the most out of my life now, one at a time.

Today she came over to dye my hair, dark brown with red highlights , I had a really great time.
something totally different, I like it hehe ^__^.
As usual, here is the before and after pic XD

As for the nickname that my brother made up while she was doing the red part for my hair
I had all this foil in my hair *picture above*, he nicknamed me the junk yard queen lol XD
While we waited for that part, we decided to have some fun and go outside to take a picture of me and my hair full of foil pieces lol XD we are just so silly haha

sweet dreams to all and Ill continue to see what life has in store for me *waves*

siuman45@yahoo.com — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 14:30:00 GMT

Wow I had the most awesome night to morning experience lol
I had work yesterday till midnight, after that my brother picked me up to get the pizza for dinner. My brother had set up a game night, invited 3 of our close guy friends over. We started around 12::45 a.m. They each brought their game consoles + loads of games over, so we had switched between 3 different game consoles.

We played from 12:30 a.m. - 6:30 a.m. in the morning till the sun came up . After finishing we ended up going to Mcdonalds for breakfast lol, didn't sleep at all. The guys were half dead but my brother and I were just fine, energized just like when we first started XD. It was so much fun, even though it left me with hand cramps since we played 6 hours straight but it left me really happy XD. We haven't done something like this for a while, but whenever our parents weren't around, these are the crazy fun things we do haha XD. Sometime later on we might do that again or do a movie night here.

I just woke up now and don't feel tired at all, I guess all I really need now is 4 hours of sleep or less , guess when my friends call me some kind of zombie or vampire, they are probably right XD.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 06:40:48 GMT

I spent most my day today doing chores, since parents aren't here, have to do our part to keep up the responsibilities in the house. I watered all the plants inside and outside, fed the fish and then my dog. I felt like making a home cooked meal today, however I was short on two ingredients to make it. I ended up biking to the dominion in my neighbourhood to get them, however it was still quite a distance by bike.

When I got to the supermarket, I ended up picking up other things that we needed as well.
Lucky I reminded myself of how I got there in the first place or else I would have bought a whole lot more XD. However the stuff I bought was still pretty heavy, placed it in my backpack, it weighed me down a lot, like I put a heavy weight in. The other small bag I hung on my bike handle.
I then began biking back once again in the scorching heat. I had to bike harder and put more effort into pedalling since the load on my back was 2x heavier. So that bike ride home exhausted me, I was happy to get back in the air conditioned house and quickly drank a cup of juice right away, totally relieved me but I became really tired.

I napped for a bit before starting the home cooked dinner XD
my brother came home just in time when I finished it and he complimented me lol
So today went very smooth, my brother's turn to cook is on Thursday, I can't wait hehe ^_^

Today I really felt like I was in my mother's shoes, having so many things to do, organizing/ prioritizing and managing the time for them all. It is really quite an experience that I am glad that I got the chance to have =).

I have work tomorrow till midnight, after that, my brother organized a game night.
We are going to have 3 of our good friends over starting around 12:30 a.m. XD, going to eat pizza and then play video games till late, going to be loads of fun ^__^. Anyhow thats about it for now *waves*

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 24 Jul 2005 14:47:09 GMT

yesterday's lesson went well, my friend learned pretty quick so it was all good.
We managed to get things done faster than we thought and she left earlier. Well yesterday was the first night and day with my parents officially away. My brother kind of went everywhere.

The dinner turned out to be at denny's with a friend, we had breakfast XDXD
I love the eggs, bacon , sausages + pancakes more than anything. Denny's makes the best pancakes, so if its something definitely worth giving a try. We then ended up going to my work place to shop for snacks and drinks , after we headed on home. My brother let me watch some more episodes of desperate housewives while he prepared the night snack since I have yet to catch up where he was.
We stayed up till 5 a.m. in the morning, as usual my waking up pattern yet again, I am up at 10 once again regardless. That was a fun night ^_____^ and there will be lots more ahead hehe

Today I got another day of work, Ill be closing. However Ill be heading out earlier with my brother. I am going to get ready now.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sat, 23 Jul 2005 15:30:06 GMT

Yesterday was a relaxing night after work ^_^, my brother took me to get dinner which was mcdonalds XD
Well it was already late and not very much was open at that hour. Afterwards we went home, helped parents to pack the the rest of their things and get ready.

Well of course my brother and I didn't go to sleep yet after finishing up, we ended up watching Desperate Housewives on his computer before heading to sleep XD. That tv show is pretty good, its quite different from the many tv shows I have seen. All I can saw is that it definitely got my attention, its really funny too XD.

It is the morning now and they are up and about, they are going to leave soon. So once they leave that door, we will be on our own for a while. My brother is taking them to the airport.I would go together to send them off, however I have a friend coming over in a half hour or so. She asked me if I could teach her photoshop and illustrator. She is planning to enter a contest and needs to use those programs, I can't wait ^^. I haven't taught anyone or even had anyone come over to my house for a long time, so its going to be great =).

I am going to dye my hair soon, that new good friend of mine, the cosmetician, from work says she wants to do it.
I decided that I would trust her with my hair first before I think about her wish of wanting to put make up on me XDXD.
we are working till close tomorrow , she told me that we would pick out the dye stuff together tomorrow. So Ill see how tomorrow goes and find out what she plans to do lol XD.

Anyhow I don't have too much time , I am planning to help my parents take the luggage out to my brother's car now *waves*

siuman45@yahoo.com — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 14:30:03 GMT

I got the rest back from the lack of sleep the other day due to the nightmare. However what I find strange is that nowadays, no matter how late I sleep, I still end up finding myself waking up so early in the morning. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't =/.

Oh well thats okay I believe waking up earlier is more healthy =), even though I know Ill end up getting sleepy eventually and then taking a nap in the afternoon , go figures haha.
I can't believe how much the weeks have been just skimming past and my parents will be on the plane tomorrow morning.

They are going to be gone for a while, so my brother and will have to start putting our cooking skils to work, after a short period of junk food that my bro wants to try XDXD. Ill start with cooking the chinese food for the first half, then my brother will follow through with the western food, he's better with making that. Maybe once in a while, if we have time, we would throw in a bbq too.

I want to learn to make these really nice desserts, I think Ill start learning on my own sometime ^___^, if its one thing I like, thats baking and delicious desserts hehe ^__^ yuuummmmmm

I am going to do my exercise again soon ^_^ so until next time
*waves*

siuman45@yahoo.com — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 05:15:29 GMT

I woke up from a terrifying nightmare that pinned me to my sheets with fright this morning. It left me in shock and with trauma for most the afternoon, I was really shaking. My coworker , the cosmetician, the one I became close friends with, she told me yesterday that she had a surprise for me and refused to tell me no matter how much I tried to get clues ^^.

Well she gave it to me today while I was at work, since I was busy with a customer and she was leaving. I thanked her and told her that I would give her a hug later ,then she walked back and suggested that I give it to her then at that moment XD. So we hugged and it was really warm , secure and comforting. I haven't gotten a hug, that warm affection or hugged anyone for a long time. I had forgotten what it had felt like because it has been that long. Life had been rough, also on top with that nightmare that got me all shooken up this morning,it was really what I needed for so long, that warmth and comfort. It totally washed out that fear and frustration out of me and I was able to work a whole lot better for the rest of the day.

Things got really busy later on at work, when there was suppose to be two cashiers together working, it was just me. So I ended up taking double the load for the whole entire night, it left me pretty drained and got a sharp pain in the side of my head. However that pain is gone now ^_^.

Anyhow I better got eat my dinner now
sweet dreams ^_^.

siuman45@yahoo.com — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 07:57:39 GMT

"Thinking of you wherever you are
we pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend.
Now I will step forward to realize this wish and who knows,
starting a new journey may not be so hard.
Or maybe it has already begun.
There are so many worlds
but they share the same sky, one sky
one destiny."

siuman45@yahoo.com — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 17:50:05 GMT

When you're lost and the light is fading
The wind blows cold and
you can't find your way back home
Remember that the darkest hour is
just before the dawn
Sometimes a leap of faith is all it takes
Cause only love can see the path to set you free
Just close your eyes, look inside
and let your heart believe
There's been a force so strong
beside you all along
You'll know it when your dream comes true
There's something only love can do

In your quest for a new horizon
Set your course find a star to light your way
Although the task may seem sometimes to be more than you can bear
One thing you need to know you are not alone

If you believe in miracles
then you can be the one
To shine you light and show the world
There's nothing love can't overcome
There's something only love can do

siuman45@yahoo.com — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 16:15:54 GMT

Today is a work day for me however I don't start till 7 p.m.
So I decided that it would be a really good idea to clean this really really messy of room of mine haha XD. I have to start prepping for my friend to come over this saturday. I am not sure if my friend is comfy in this laid back jungle environment as I do, I don't know, the clutter seems to give me inspriation to do things XD. When I clean things, it becomes spotless, the room feels so dead and empty and so does my mind which = non-productive lazy mandy XD.

Usually my summer would consist being in my room most of the time working on things and not really going out to social events too much. Maybe a trip once in a while by myself but I'm not the type that gets out very much. Lately I have met a new friend that works with me at Shoppers, she is a cosmetician there. She is one of the people that noticed my shyness right away, no matter how loud, outgoing and jokey I am at work, she still saw that inner me =/. So that makes her another good observer.

She was a survivor of a great illness and she is doing just fine now and you wouldn't have noticed anything about her but see her as a regular average girl at work until she has told you her story. She is living happy now and is very optimistic about things in life.
So I really admire her and because of that I want to be strong like her and get past mine. =)

I guess it made it easier for me to socialize, spend time together and all with her since we work together at the same place. Days off, she told me that she wants to take me places. During days that we have work, we work together and so it works out pretty well. She told me that she is determined to take me around and build up a social life for me. She has been inviting me to many events, including a bbq + dinner I went to last month. She wants to go to the beach this Friday and introduce me to her friends, told them about me + about my shyness so they would be prepped for me and help me as much as they could, sounds pretty freaky haha j/k.
Well I won't be able to make this time, found out that I got scheduled to work, but no worries, I am sure Ill get another chance one day ^^. Until then, she already has things planned for many more activities, I just gotta hope that I have enough energy to do all those things this summerXD

I am different now, so Ill give things a try, go in with an open mind. At the same time, I know those severe mental conditions I used to get from my illness in the past, those days are over. Regardless what happened, I still owe the greatest thanks to my sis may for going as far as she could go, doing the things she could. She sealed it off for me and so I can live regularly now as myself content and happy. She was one really brave and strong girl to have endured that with me,and I really admire her for that. No matter how much time goes by, no matter how things are now or will be, Ill always remember all the great things she has done for me and cherish that always.

At the same time, treat it as life's lesson to step up. Life is giving me another opportunity and I am going to take it this time.

Anyhow XD, I watched this Chinese movie that I pulled out from my collection. I haven't seen it for so long, but once I did it was totally awesome haha XD. It kind of gave back a little something to me, like an extra boost of toughness, that movie always does that everytime I watch it XD. It also reminded me of something I wanted to do, that is to dye my hair. Ill wait till my parents are off on the plane to start their two week vacation before I do ^_^.

I got so many things that I want to do lined up =) *happy*

siuman45@yahoo.com — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 22:56:01 GMT

Alrighty
I spent today heading over to my work place for a meeting, it lasted for about 1 and half hours. The associate covered everything and answered all our inquries and questions that we have been waiting to get answered. So that was a really great informative meeting for me ^_^.

On the way back, I fell asleep and missed my stop by 1 XD
However lucky it didn't go very far past the stop I was suppose to get off at, so I was able to walk back and use my same transfer to get on the bus I was suppose to get on next.

Well I am home now, it has been rather hot, thank goodness for the air con in here. My dad wants to go swimming in the pool again , Ill think about it , if I want to swim today. Though I think an ice cappucino would be rather nice hehe ^^

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 17 Jul 2005 16:00:28 GMT

I am feeling a little startled this morning. While I was still in my dream, the loud thunder woke up me suddenly, I had quite the heart attack because I don't know why I get so terrified whenever I hear the sound of thunder. I had to quickly shove my ear phones and crank the volume of my mp3 player up and wait it out. In the past I never feared it at all, never had this big fear, I believe it started when I was around 11-12 when I went out to look for my dog to bring in because it was a storm outside. As I was outside, the lightning flashed and then there was this loud cracking and boom sound of the thunder. When you are outside its 10 times louder and I wasn't prepared for it + I have really sensitive hearing. It really left me traumatized.

So whenever I hear that sound, I get really really scared like a child that sees a monster =(. Well the thunder has stopped by now, so things are alright ^_^.

Tonight I am going out for that dinner with my brother + friends. I have to bus out and get to pmall by 7:00 p.m. to meet up with my brother at his workplace. I got some stuff lined up to do before then, I'm probably going to make some notes + activities for my friend to take and do to prepare for the day when she comes over to learn ^^.

So I better get started ~_^

siuman45@yahoo.com — Sun, 17 Jul 2005 03:54:02 GMT

Today has been one of the relaxing days for me, more of the reflective days where I brought all the good memories to mind, past to present. The people that came, the people that went, those who are still around and also my childhood memories. It has been quite a journey, quite an adventure for me throughout. Well as I was reflecting, someone came to mind and I spent today writing out a letter to that person and it was comforting. I wonder how she is doing nowadays or what she has been up to? I hope she is doing well over there. I hope for the best that she gets my letter. We have been out of contact for quite a while, since last Christmas that we saw each other before she headed back to study in Ottawa, I miss this good friend of mine.

Anyhow tonight consisted of dinner out, it was really nice ^^.
They had all the best dishes out today, so I ate really happily haha *rubs stomach*
Tomorrow will be another dinner out, this time with just me and my brother + some friends. So this weekend will be pretty busy, day after I have my work meeting at 3:00p.m. Then work starts again for me on Tuesday =).

I definitely have to fit in time for extra excercise to make up for all this crazy eating lol
the food is just too good XD.

The coming saturday, my friend from work is going to be coming over to learn photoshop and illustrator, so Ill be looking forward to that ^^. Also on that day, my brother is going to be driving my parents to the airport, they will be departing for their vacation, will be back after a few weeks, stick around for two days, then go off somewhere else until sept. So it will just be me and my brother around most of the time starting next Saturday.

So I have a lot lined up for myself

when my parents are away
Ill be putting my cooking skills to the test hehe
also video game nights will commence then too XD

well thats about it ^^, I am going to get back to things now
my brother wants to watch a movie tonight, so Ill see if he still wants to now *waves*